5 Already!?!?!?

Aliya will be 5 tomorrow. I can’t believe it, 5. When did my baby girl get so big? She had her 5 year check up on Monday. She is 42 ½” and weighed in at 42 pounds. (Up from last year’s stats of 36” and 40 pounds) Her birthday always tugs at my heart a little, but this year it’s more than ever, and I’m not sure why. I always think about her birthmom and the amazing gift she gave Aliya, the gift of life. When there were other options out there, easier options in some opinions, she chose to carry her daughter for 9 months knowing she wouldn’t keep her. I can’t imagine going to the hospital knowing I wouldn’t leave with my baby. But she did. Our brave birthmom entered the hospital with Aliya’s original chosen parents, gave birth, held her daughter and changed her mind. She decided to parent at the last minute. Two people left the hospital deviated and empty handed. That could have been us. Instead we were 1 ½ hours down the highway waiting and praying for a child we didn’t even know existed. The only newborn picture we have of our daughter is the image in our minds that we remember seeing on the hospital website when we first were contacted by our agency about Aliya. Looking back, I wish we would have ordered her hospital pictures. I close my eyes and remember seeing that tiny little pumpkin in her hospital gown. There were three pictures on the website of her and if I clicked the button fast enough they scrolled by like a flip book and her arms danced in delight. She was a beautiful baby with a headful of dark thick hair. I remember staring at the computer screen the days that followed after we were told our birthmom changed her mind and decided to continue parenting. I remember not crying, but praying. Praying that she was safe and knowing God had an amazing plan for her life. At 5 weeks our little Aliya finally came home. It is a day I will never forget. The little girl on the hospital website was home, she was mine. So sitting here on the eve of her birthday I want to hold her and not let go. I want to call her birthmom and thank her, thank her for choosing life and for choosing us. Trusting us with the most precious gift I have ever been given. My Aliya, who’s name fits her perfectly. “God’s gift”.

Created for Care 2013

Guess where I'll be spending my next birthday!?!? Here

Happy Father's Day 2012!!

I took the kids to Portrait Inovations this year for Father's Day pictures. Of course they take like 300 pictures and try to get you to buy them all! I went in with the goal of spending $40 dollars, well...that didn't exactly happen! I spent my $40 in cash and then some! But come one, can you blame me? How cute are my kids!

Super Cute!!

In honor of Mother's Day we attended our old church last night to witness some very speical friends dedicate their two sons. It was great to worship next to our friends and love on them after. Prior to the dedication part of the service they played this video. It's super cute, I hope you'll check it out! (make sure your sound is up for it!)

Amazing Giveaway!

This book looks great! For a chance to win it please go Here

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

I have been doing so well and this morning I had a major setback. While in the shower this morning, as though it just happened yesterday, I had this flash back from when I was back in the ER lying on the table staring at the ultrasound screen. Seeing my baby, but not seeing a heartbeat. Just this still form. The tears came rushing back and this incredible feeling of panic and loss came over me. Why can't I get that image out of my mind? Why when I am just going about my business do I close my eyes and see it? Even as I sit here typing, hours after the fact, I am instantly brought to tears uncontrollable sobs. Not that I would ever trade the 8 weeks I got to experience pregnancy, but I wonder if it would have just been easier to have never experienced it at all. I was fine before this, loving my kids and was content with the way things were. Sure, there were days of sorrow of not having a biological child, but those few days of sorrow were NOTHING compared to what I am feeling now. I am sure people are sick of my break downs by now. It will be a year in June; you’d think I’d be over this by now. But I’m not. It’s getting harder to smile and nod at people when I just want to hide under my bed and cry.

LOVE THIS!!

I wonder if our teens would understand the true meaning of Easter better if they watched this...