8 years already?

8 years ago today I married my best friend!! Happy Anniversary Jon, I love you more today than ever!

(wish I could post a picture, gotta love safe mode)

Still Struggling

I really thought I'd be further along in my healing by now, but in all honesty, I'm not. Most days I'm fine, but others I just cry and cry. My best friend is pregnant, two of my sisters-in-law are pregnant and we just found out two weeks that our dear friend's (just turned) 18 year old daughter is pregnant. That announcement was the icing on the cake for me I think.

Like a ton of bricks dropped on my heart I lost it. Right in the middle of bible study I broke down. I'm not angry at God, or even this young lady, I truly think I'm jealous. And I hate that about myself. I've never been the jealous type really, but right now I am. Sometimes the thought consume me (healthy, I know right).

I hope I don't sound ungrateful for the two beautiful children God has blessed me with, because I love them more than life itself, I really do...but there is a hole in my heart that only God can fill.

I finally took the ultra sound pictures off of the refrigerator and put them in my bible. (in Ephesians) Where they will stay until an unknown time.

I would have been 24 weeks today. I truly thought this dark feeling would have passed by now...

If you pray, I'm asking for it right now please. I need to get past this so I can function and be the wife and mother my husband and children need.