A God moment

I received a call yesterday from Aliya's birthmom. We haven't heard from her in over a year and a half. It was weird at first, I mean, what do you say to a woman that gave us her baby, wanted to keep in touch and then vanishes off the face of the earth for over a year? "Hi, it's so good to hear from you" is what I said. Unfortunately my phone was dying when she called so I only got to talk with her for a few minutes (not to mention I was walking into WalMart with a resident at work at the time) but our brief conversation went well. She asked about Aliya and how she is doing. Now you all know me, I have no problem bragging about our little ladybug, so I shared the newest highlights! As we ended the 8 minute conversation I told her I would call her back once I plugged my phone in.

Well, I didn't get the chance to call her back yesterday, but I did call her back this afternoon on my way home from Cincinnati.

I'm not going to lie, I had butterflies in my stomach as the phone rang. Would she answer? Would I just leave a message?

Then there she was, "hello?".

My heart stopped and I said a breath prayer asking God to guide our conversation. Instantly the butterflies were gone and it was like talking with a friend. Not and old friend, but a new one... We talked for almost 45 minutes, and only a few minutes was about Aliya. (for her privacy I won't post the entire conversation) But she shared with me her heart, then and now. She's in counseling, learning to cope with her life. She shared how her family still to this day does not support her adoption plan...I teared up as I told her that we love her and that she holds a very special place in our hearts. She gave us the most amazing gift and what a decision to make, a decision made of pure love for her child, to give her child a better life. I spoke boldly, maybe out of place, but I couldn't stop, the words just kept pouring out of my mouth... She needed to know that not only we love her, but God does too...and He is proud of the decision that she made for Aliya. He loves her, and that her family has no right to judge her, it was her right to make that choice and what a brave choice she made. She thanked me for my words and said, "I really needed to hear that".

She shared many more details of her life with me, she was different. Changed. Grown. She did not ask for anything, trust me, I asked what her expectations from me were after all this time. All she requested was the occasional picture and update. I can do that!

I can't quite explain the feeling I have right now...especially to those not directly involved, or to those who haven't been through this...but I pray she is honest in our conversations. I pray she is honest with her intent. I pray I am willing to give her grace. I pray I have discernment with her. I pray God anoints this relationship. I just want what is best for Aliya. I am excited. I am scared. I am hopeful. I am praying. I am willing.