Dear baby,

Hi baby!
I've thought about writing this letter for weeks now and and that I'm sitting here, I'm almost at a loss for words. We should have met you today but instead I sit here writing to you. I want you to know that you were loved from the minute we found out you were in my belly. I wanted you for so long and was convinced we'd never have you. But there you were; your little heart beating. So many people were praying for you and I continue to pray for you today.
I can't wait to meet you someday in heaven. Your daddy misses you too, and your big brother and sister still talk about you. Aliya is convinced you are a girl. We will one day find out. We didn't even get the chance to name you, I wonder what Jesus calls you? I wonder if you hear me when I talk to you each night. Do you hear me tell you I miss you and that I love you?
(This is harder than I thought it would be)
How do you love someone so much that you never got to hold or even hear? I don't know the answer to this question, but I do know that I love you still. You were an answer to a prayer that was long overdue. Sometimes at night when I'm lying next to daddy in bed I imagine what you look like. Do you have redish hair like mine, or green eyes like daddy. I know you don't have dark skin like your sister, but I imagine you have her kind spirit and faith. Are you funny like your brother?
What is heaven like? Is Grandma taking good care of you until I can hold you? Why did God have to take you so early? Why does it still hurt when I think about you? Why is it that lying in bed at night I can talk to you for hours, but now my words are few?
I saw a rainbow a few weeks ago , I thought of you. The rainbow ended right over the doctor’s office that told me we’d lost you; the place where so much joy and so much pain was experienced. Maybe that was your way of reminding me that even some good can come out of bad.
I want you to know that even though daddy and I don't talk about you much anymore is not because we don't love you, or that I don't think about you every single day. It's just too hard for me. I have your brother and sister to take care of still.
I miss you. I love you. The days between now and until I can hold you cannot pass quick enough. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Love,
Mommy