There have been very few times in my life that I have truly questioned God. This past Friday was one of them. The friend who just found out she's expecting (the one I wrote about last week) called me Friday evening with horrible news. She has an ectopic pregnancy and had to end her pregnancy in order for her to survive. Why God? Why after restoring her faith and freeing her heart from the burden of the miscarriage would God bless her with a pregnancy where the baby could not survive? To make her choose, her life or the baby's, why?
We sat together at church Saturday night and cried, sobbing so hard after that neither of us could breathe. I don't get it. I don't understand. Why did this happen? Why this way?
I'm adding this to my list of questions to ask God when I make it to heaven someday.
3 comments:
Just want to wrap you both up in a huge hug. So sorry.
Oh no. I am so, so sorry. Praying so hard for your friend. My heart just hurts for her. And you.
Hi, Kelly. You left a comment on my blog so I hopped on over and read a bit of your blog. I just wanted to say I am so sorry for the hurt in your heart. I too have struggled with some of those really hard questions lately. In the last 5 years, my divorced 52 year old mother in law died after a 4 month battle with cancer, where we were the people helping her. My grandfather in law died (my mother in law's father) which left us as the caregivers for my grandmother in law which was a difficult situation. She died in May and the week after her funeral my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer. He underwent surgery for the cancer but spent 3 months in the hospital as his stomach and digestive tract were never quite right. Long story short, he had an abcess from the surgery so they went in to remove the abcess and he died as a result of complications from surgery at age 59. We've done two international adoptions in that time, had a daughter live through a major disaster, and started a third adoption. The death part though has been especially hard as the nice little sayings that churchy people say start to seem really empty after a while. My heart has definitely been softened to how much hurt we each carry with us and how hard it is to figure out who God is, what He is doing, and why he doesn't rescue us. Anyway, I just wanted to say to keep the word of God in your mouth; look to it as truth and trust His promises even if it seems as if those promises are somehow disconnected from real life.
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