I have no idea what to title this post and honestly I'm not sure how to put my feelings into words right now...
The other day Aliya and I went to Target (like we do almost every week) and we went through the same line we always go through and the same woman checked us out, I'm serous, I think this woman has been our cashier all but maybe 5 times we've gone in since Aliya came home almost 2 years ago. She is a very sweet woman who always comments on how cute Aliya is and how much she's grown, ect... I never even thought that this woman has no idea that I am Aliya's mother... okay, so here's what happened. Aliya and I went through her line and Aliya wanted to "help" so the cashier gave Aliya the receipt and told her, "go take the receipt to...(pause, look at me, then back at Aliya)her". Who the heck is her? I didn't say anything because I wanted to see this play out and she said it again, "sweetie, take the receipt to her". Aliya looked at this woman like she had no idea who "her" was. I then said, "Aliya, bring the receipt to mommy please", and it was like this light bulb turned on over this woman's head, "yes sweetie, give the receipt to your mommy" is all she said and flashed me a half smile. I couldn't tell if the woman was embarrassed or what, but seriously? I mean I know she must see hundreds of people a day come through this store, but come on lady it's not like we blend in easily or anything.
I'm not upset with her, or the situation, it is what it is...but I have to be honest, it's been a REALLY long time since I've felt like it's not obvious that I am Aliya's mother. I mean I still get the occasional, "oh you took the easy way out and adopted" comment (not so much people), or "where is she from?" but for some reason this conversation between this cashier and my daughter pulled on my heart strings just a bit. It does hurt my heart a little that people will always know at first glance that we are a different sort of family, again, not that that is a bad thing and I love talking about our adoption, but... I don't know, I pray I'm not coming across as ungrateful for the beautiful gift we've been given in Aliya, because that is not the case. I know she is the child God intended to call me mommy...I knew what we were getting into when we agreed to a transratial adoption and I don't regret our decision for a second, I guess I look at our daughter as if she's part of me and everyone else should just feel that too. I don't exactly know how to put the rest of my feelings into words right now, so I will stop.
I have always prided myself on speaking my mind in love and I hope my thoughts and feelings don't come across as snobbish or cruel, because that is not my heart...I just needed to get my thoughts on this matter out. Thanks for listening.
8 comments:
WOW! Nothing like that has been said to us YET! But let me just say. "I feel ya" Some people just don't get that these adopted children are OUR CHILDREN. As Christians we are ALL ADOPTED. I guess that is where I reast my heart. KNOWING I am adopted too!
That would have been a difficult situation, Kelly. I'm sorry.
Kelly,
Totally agree with you on the frustration! Your child feels like so much of your very heartbeat that it feels to us as Moms that we pair up quite nice with our kids and why doesn't everyone else see that? I have to make sure that I stay close to my 5 year old in public, because if I don't he will look like a lost child to the naked eye of a stranger! He has been in clothing racks under me before and a salesclerk said "where is your Mom?" That is our reality as sad as it can feel!
Ugh, sorry this happened! I can imagine why it made you feel frustrated. I actually got the "be glad you adopted because giving birth is horribly painful" comment today in class from a classmate and I wanted to scream! That's the first time anyone was outward enough to say that to my face. I just smiled at her and said, "An entirely different kind of pain."
Whatever. People just don't get it and probably never will. We can educate when and how we see fit, but even that can only go so far.
Hugs,
Melba
Totally get this scenerio! Totally get these types of comments on my very different looking family! Really wish people could understand and do my best to teach them when comments are made like this one! But do understand the "pulling of the heart strings" comments. A lot of my first graders friends are asking, "Is that your mom?"...that is hard when she is getting called out by our differences! But she doesn't seem to care so it is all good! My favorite was when a cashier at Target asked me "what's wrong with him?" in regards to my Korean Down Syndrome child! Keep on educating Kelly! You do an awesome job and are an AWESOME MOMMY!!!!!
Thanks for posting this Kelly Jo! This would all be easier to understand if you didn't see this lady ALL THE TIME. But you did and you'd think it'd be obvious that you were her mother after all this time. I wonder... what would have been so wrong if Target Lady assumed you were her Mom and got it wrong. You would simply say something like "Oh I'm not her Mom but thanks!" or whatever. Aliya would not have been tragically scarred by that scenario I'm sure!
Anyway... I feel ya on this one. I'm sure your diverse family is helping to educate people each and every day and I'm thankful for that. I think it is so awesome that you adopted as the world has too many parent-less children out there. You've done a great thing and I respect you for that immensely. May your family be happy and healthy in the new year!
Take care,
Rob
KJ, another way to look at what happened is this: What a glorious opportunity for this cashier. She saw the world in a slightly different "color" today. Perhaps God will touch her with the Holy Spirit, and the next time you shop at Target, she'll welcome Aliya and you as you have never been welcomed before. I've read the other posts, and it sounds as though many have been down this road, too. I cannot relate to that, but I can tell you that all of you are changing the world for the better. Little by little color and race issue will fade as people "grow up" in God's love. Jesus was a dark-skinned man; sometimes we project Jesus in OUR IMAGE, but it isn't true. Hang in there, Kiddo. Love has a funny way of expressing itself sometimes, and I'm positive Love will find a way this time to make things better. I love you.
I'm sorry that happened. She could have called you the babysitter, which I imagine would have been even more awkward, if you had to correct her. But now she knows!
This is my first time reading your blog and I really like it! Nice to meet ya!
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