We heard from Aliya's birthmom yesterday for the first time in three months. We found out through her mother a few months ago that she moved... I tried to call her on Mother's day, but her phone was disconnected. I'm not sure how I feel right now, and I hate that I'm even a bit frustrated. I don't even know exactly how I'm feeling. I mean, this woman gave us the most amazing gift and I know she is still grieving over her decision, but this is the third time in 2 1/2 years that she's moved and not told us. Who knows how many pictures and letters have gone unopened (or opened by random people). I am not in her shoes, but I guess if our contact was too much for her a simple, "I need some space" would be nice. And it would be respected. I suppose this just goes with the territory of open adoption.
I haven't returned her phone call yet. We were in the middle of dinner when the phone rang and we didn't recognize the number so I didn't answer. I guess I'm just waiting for the right time to call her back. I'm collecting my thoughts. I mean, I really have no reason to be upset with her, just frustrated. And is that even warranted? I think I was so excited back at Christmas to finally meet her face to face. I thought this was the beginning of something really good. Was I wrong? Was I setting myself up for disappointment? Was I setting Aliya up for disappointment?
All I want is the best for our daughter...I hate second guessing myself.
5 comments:
I'm so sorry. That has to be a very difficult situation to be in. Keeping you in my prayers!
So sorry for the frustration. I can only imagine how that must feel.
Give her just a little more time, maybe that's all she needs. Maybe she's calling to ask to see Aliya again.
Open adoption is a sacrifice on us adoptive parents whether it's too much or too little contact and that makes it hard to remember why we do it. We do it for our kids. Hope when you do talk it's a good conversation.
Do you think she might have been calling to let you know about her mother's condition? Could she have passed? Just wondering. Tough situation and I know you will pray through it until you have the answers you need to proceed.xxxxooo
You may wish to seek counsel from the woman who assisted you in the adoption, the lady from Yellow Springs.
Hi. I'm sorry you are feeling frustrated and as an adoptive mom I understand that this situation is difficult to accept. We need to remember that when someone gives up their child they are giving up ALL responsibility for that child and giving it to YOU. It is best for your child, and thus for YOU, to have honest contact so that she grows up knowing who/where she is from. Having two mothers is her true story. But her birth mother needed to give her up; she was not able to care for her. She's no longer in a role that requires she meet a child's needs. It's too bad about the packages, but consider you are preparing and sending them (as a strong and supportive mother) primarily for your young daughter, and also for her birth mother. Please be thankful for what the birth mother CAN give. That is the best you can do for your daughter and you are thereby meeting her needs as her active parent. Warmly, -m
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