Last month my body was playing tricks on me. It felt EXACTLY the same as it did when I was pregnant (and didn't know it at the time). I have to be honest, the thought of it consumed me. I thought about it all the time. When it was happening for real, I had no idea what the feelings were, so this time I was completely aware of my body and, in all honesty, it scared the crap out of me. I shared with Jon my thoughts and together we counted out the days. I took a test and it was negative. Not one tear shed, not one ounce of disapointment. I'm healing.
In the past week two co-worker announced their pregnancies to me. In fact, they told me three hours apart, neither knowing the other was expecting. No tears, no disapointment, just excitment for them. I'm healing.
My due date would have been 1/24/12...As the day approaches I've been guessing what we would have been doing to prepare. When we first found out I was pregnant I moved Aliya's room around to make room for the crib (of course that was never put up, but the space was there). This past week I moved her room back. I'm healing.
As I sit here and watch my two kids
Aliya still talks about her baby sister being in heaven. As I watch her hold other babies, I know she would have made a wonderful big sister. This makes me a bit sad.
I plan to write our little one a letter on my due date. Not sure if I'll post it or just tuck it in my bible with the ultrasound pictures. I am ready to move on, but not forget. I am ready to heal. I am ready to feel normal again.
2 comments:
Kelly, I'm so glad you are healing. I can't imagine how hard your journey has been. I think your letter idea is such a good one ... and I'll keep you in prayer for continued healing.
Ahhhh, praying for your continued healing Kelly. It is a process. Continued to be encouraged. Know that you are loved and thought of from far away.
Post a Comment